...Because your comments and interests motivate this blog, I'm detouring from my "schedule" to address a requested topic... I hope you enjoy!
Did he/she take your breath away?
Could you not imagine life without him/her?
Had you planned a blissful life, future, and/or retirement together?
Yeeeeesssss! Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt!
Break-ups can be very dark, lonely, agonizing, frustrating, disappointing, upsetting, gut-wrenching, troubling, draining, frightening, deflating, exhausting, depressing... I could go on and on... just down-right painful!
While those feelings and emotions are the worst... I've learned the most STAGGERING event is NOT the break-up, BUT moving on!
5 Steps to Moving On:
<<<Grab a few sheets of paper.>>>
1. Remember why.
- Write the reasons the relationship did not work [your perspective]. No time for modesty, be honest and explicit!
- Flip the paper over and write the reasons you were given that the relationship did not work [their perspective]. Dig deep and recall those things he/she said that you previously attempted to justify as untrue or having little significance!
- NOTE: If he/she said nothing, write "jerk", "coward", or "dodged a bullet"! Anyone unwilling to give you feedback is not worth your time, energy, or heart!!!
- This step is not about justifying yourself as a "great catch", but cleansing yourself and building the firm foundation you'll NEED during tough times!
2. Remember why not.
- Write the reasons it's not beneficial to continue the relationship. We're not crying over spilled milk here, but listing the "potential, future spills" if the relationship continued. Very similar to "opportunity costs" in economics.
- Blank paper? If you think the world would have been perfect if the relationship continued, write these three reminders... "I can only control me. It takes two, willing individuals to make a relationship work. He/She did not share the same desire."
- This step offers good news that you won't have to suffer the items you've listed. It also clears the seat for the right rider!
3. Define love.
- Write your vision of love. Think of every way you desire to be loved. Be as descriptive and wordy as possible. Unconsciously, you may smirk or smile while writing this list. If you don't... well that's a different blog topic.
- This step is to help you clearly identify what makes you happy. There's nothing more embarrassing than giving your next date the "blank stare" when asked intrinsic questions. It may indicate you still have some learning to do about yourself, before you're ready for to a serious relationship.
4. Get busy.
- Write your person and professional goals. Make a plan to reach your goals. Assign milestones to reach your goals. Share your goals, plan, and milestones with an accountability partner (not the "yes person" that will never challenge you). Develop a cadence to revisit this information on a consistent basis.
- Firstly, this step shifts the focus from your past to your future. And secondly, reminds you that there's no time for those incapable of the items on your love list (step 3) or who will not support your goals (step 4).
- Most of us have probably heard the phrase, "An idle mind is the devil's workshop!". Touche!
5. Be firm.
- Don't go back and forth. You deserve so much more than that. If an ex wants to reconcile, use your lists (the steps above) and make your decision based on their actions... not emotions!
- Make positive affirmations each day to attract greatness to your life. Examples... I have learned. I am smart. I am great. I am loved. I have overcome this situation. I have progressed... and my personal favorite... I win!
You MUST move on to see, hear, smell, touch, taste, feel, and experience all God has for you in a mate!
Have you successfully moved on from a break-up? I'd love to hear your tips!
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