While watching #BeingMaryJane a couple weeks ago, a suicide scene was portrayed. My first thought was... wow, that was a bit extreme. But suddenly, a not-so-cool memory was jogged.
While 7 months pregnant in 2009, I felt I was at the end of my rope. My life seemed good in front of the camera, friends, and family. But I was literally dying inside! I felt invisible, hopeless, and as if my life was spiraling out of control.
By this time, I had mastered the art of "mask wearing" for over a year. I performed my routine as wife, career woman, extrovert, and church-goer... but the routine began to feel more and more like hypocritical rituals.
Though I was a wife, I was alone.
Though I was a career woman, I felt overworked and undervalued.
Though I was an extrovert, I was yearning to be left alone.
Though I was a church-goer, the Word had not yet [fully] saturated my spirit.
So... enough was enough! I felt unfit to mother a pure, innocent child. And subsequently, decided to take my life. I was too shaky to shoot myself. And I was too green to overdose. So I channeled my love for cars and speed. I'd planned to run my oh-so-loved electric blue, CLK coupe off the freeway into a large, metal sign. I had reasoned [go figure] that I was far enough in the pregnancy for the baby to survive.
I got in the car, left home, and sought out to execute my crafty plan. I never quite made it to desired point, but I vividly remember calling my mom and one of my brothers in tears. Needless to say, I'm immensely grateful that HE intercepted my plan and I am alive to share this taboo story!
Why should you care?
According to a 2013 U.S. study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention...
- Every 12.8 minutes someone died from suicide
- 41,148 suicides were reported
- 1,028,700 suicides were attempted (estimated)
- 494,169 people visited the hospital for self-harm injuries
- 1,000,000 people engaged in intentional self-harm behaviors
- $2,000,000,000 annually is spent in medical care on self-harm injuries
- $4,300,000,000 annually is spent for indirect cost (i.e. lost wages, productivity)
These statistics prove I was not alone in 2009! In fact, over 1 million people were thinking just as I had.
I pray that by exposing this deep, dark, ugly truth that you...
are Educated to know this is a real challenge that impacts 1 in 3 people. Don't be afraid to confide in someone or to seek help. You are not alone!
are Empowered to take your life back. Greater is HE that is in you!
will Evolve to a mental place of freedom from bondage and shame. So what you considered or attempted suicide. You're still alive to read this. You have another chance at happiness, joy, and peace!
Do you have a story? I'd love to hear how you've overcome!
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